This one’s gonna hurt because I really don’t like opening up like this, but it’s something that I have to do.

I am fat. ┬áNot overweight, or out of shape, though I certainly am those things too. But, truth be told, I’m fat. And I have to really admit that and stop embracing it or just living with it.

And I’m unhealthy. I’m trying to tell myself that I’m making some good choices, and I do sometimes, but I make some really lousy choices other times. I’m 43, and I’m starting to worry about what this means for the rest of my life, because I have every intention and desire to drive Jenni crazy for several more decades, and pester my kids well into senility.

And I’m uncomfortable. Far too often I’m uncomfortable. Standing too long plays hell with my hips. Sleeping too long hurts my back. And while we do need to buy a new mattress sometime (c’mon bonus!?!), dropping some of the poundage on the old frame would probably help both issues.

And somewhat embarrassed by my appearance. I actually didn’t post a picture of me with Patrick from prom night because it really hit me how huge I am.

I’ve started and stopped more diets and exercise plans than I can possibly remember. And I’ve been doing that since junior high.

This time, since I’m putting this out there for the world to see, I mean it.

Here’s my starting point, or at least what I’m willing to share, so you’ve got the frame of reference to hold me to later: I’m back up to a 50 or 52 inch waist. A few years ago, I was a 44. I weigh more than 350 pounds. Much more than I want to. I need to drop almost an entire person’s weight to get down to something healthier. I am easily tired out by exertion. I need to exercise. Regularly. And more than just doing stuff around the house and calling it activity.

More importantly, I need to be proud of myself for myself again.

I started changing my eating habits a couple of weeks ago–healthier breakfasts, mostly fruit and veggies in my lunch, and only one serving at dinner. But I need to remember I’m human and love food too much to give some things up. I just need to be smarter about it.

I finally buckled down and started regular exercises tonight: 15 minutes of walking and stretching this evening. I’ll hurt like hell tomorrow, but it’s a start. Five times a week I need to do that. I’m trying to figure out what juggling of time and money would be required to consider a membership at the Y.

So far, that’s the plan: get healthier, lose a lot of weight, share with you so I’ll at least feel like I’m accountable to someone besides my inner demons. Thanks in advance for your support, kids.

See you tomorrow.

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